Page 4: Miss Cellulite went shopping for shoes..

Shoes are girl's best friends, besides diamonds. 

Miss Cellulite got tired of wearing sloppy oversized slippers and fugly grandma shoes. She is almost 20 years old and YET her shoe fashion sense is edging closer with every minute, on the precipice of being ousted by mainstream society. Just take a trip to any shoe paradise in Singapore-- be it Far East Plaza, Takashimaya dept. store or whatever places there may be, the range of sizes only limit themselves to skinny lil models or the average singaporeans. What about people like Miss Cellulite? 

Miss Cellulite glances down at her own feet and wince. She tugs nervously at her loose shirt and hurries to the shoe section. Garnering her courage, she browses through the glittering array of shoes..

High heels, slippers with delicate baubles sewn in at the straps, strappy platforms, patent wedges and pointed working shoes that boast of fashionista preferences. 

The smells of leather and shoesboxes stung Miss Cellulite's nostrils, but most importantly, the threaten of tears stung her eyes and disgust at her own dismayal state collected at the back of her throat. She has no shoes for her own. She does not even dare to put them on. She gazes enviously at the rest of the giggling women customers, preening and swiveling around the balls of their feet while admiring their ankles and the showy shoes fitted nicely on them.

Salesgirls stared at Miss Cellulite as she walks by. And Oh yeah. She knew what was going on in their minds...

"Omg. Does THAT woman wanna try on shoes? Her fat feet probably won't fit. What on earth is she doing here?? omg. what if she expands the shoes that she tries on!"

Great. None of the shoes could fit the broad front of Miss Cellulite's fat feet. Even if there so happen to have one particular pair that barely could, the following might happen..

1) unimaginable fugliness. The fats on the feet seem to overflow the sides of the heels..

2) when Miss Cellulite steps, the front part of the feet just bulges. No one would ever be attracted by that.

Miss Cellulite gives an inner squeal and totters home in a daze... Maybe.. another day would bring hope.. maybe..

Page 3: Attempting to kill Cellulite.

Fat girls like Miss Cellulite find it seriously unfair when it comes to love. Love never appears for them. 

Remember a particular pick up line? It goes something like this for guys trying to pick up hot girls with big boobs and never ending legs that disappears under her mini micro skirt...

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past you again?" 

 

But when it comes to Miss Cellulite..it will go something like this...

"I believe in love at first sight... *miss cellulite whispers to her crush with star twinkled eyes*" 

"What the hell! YOU DO!!?? *look around furtively and thinks to himself.. YEAH RITE.. like u will ever get the chance.. *

Miss Cellulite also notices a trend in Singapore. She has also come up with a formula! A formula that determines your prospects in love! No more staring into the mirror/basin of water at midnight to see how your future lover looks like. It is already set. For Fat girls that is.

Hunky Macho guy+ Hot bod cutey girl= success love story OR a drama in the making.

Plain Fat girl + Flabby stomach guy= resigned to fate. 

Hot bod cutey girl + Flabby stomach guy= He gives me a sense of security!! *guy looks proud*

Plain Fat girl + Hunky Macho guy= ..... ..... ...... ..... ...... ....."computer says no..."(Lil Britain style)

NEVER. NEVER have u seen cute guys with fat girls. why the hell do the woes get pinned on us while fat guys are seen as a false sense of security??!! Miss Cellulite whimpers.

So, Miss Cellulite has decided, that for the sake of her very own future, she will try(after so many attempts throughout  her life) to kill Cellulite. 

Firstly, she prepares a knife. 

Next, she got a sock to stuff into cellulite's mouth if she screams in protest.

Then she got a new set of clothes in order to prevent blood from spurting everywhere.

Rope is greatly needed as well, so that she could commit the crime some place else.

Now, all she needs is confidence, determination and strength to carry on the operation. 

*reaches for MnMs...* *SlaP! No Miss Cellulite! Behave urself*.. *aww... crumples in despair as she drools of the men she could have once Cellulite is dead and gone...*

Page 2: Miss Cellulite decides to take a journey

Its always funny to note that journeys which are taken to reach another place, reveals greatly on the issues that the society face and the people who are involved in it. Buses are boarded to enjoy the bustling atmosphere of other commuters, trains are taken to revel in the fast blur of scenary that sweeps past one like a dream and indulge in escapism through the thrill of rumbling sounds. 

This however does not include taxis because Miss Cellulite loves taxis. Not only do they provide ample comfort and airconditioning, she derives delight from having time saved, a limited amount of privacy to space out during travel, but most importantly, having more than sufficient seat space to accomodate her butt.

Miss Cellulite hates the seats in buses and MRT trains in Singapore. In buses, the seats are narrow(with respect to her size), and in trains... Its better not to talk about it. Often, when choice leaves her hanging by the thread of doubt as to whether risk should be taken to embark on journeys, Miss Cellulite can't help recalling the shred of fear and embarrassement she faces each time she sits on the public transport services. 

If she gets lucky and has the chance to sit in the inner seat, it seems no one else takes an interest to sit next to her! the REASON is so apparent that it leaves one chanting a spell for a dramatic increase in bus speed to reach their destination. Unfortunately magic don't work in real life. If not, why would Miss Cellulite face this problem in the first place? If she could just flourish her rickety wand to conjure up incantations like how Harry Potter does to chase away Dementors, how Fantastic it would be for her to chase those Cellulites away as well? Maybe it would sound something like, "Fuckcelluliamus!!".  No way would that ever happen.

If she gets lucky to get a seat and gets an outer one, then a whole new perspective arises. Firstly, half her butt jutts out of the seat. Not only is it terribly ugly, it makes Miss Cellulite angry with herself when she can't help but compare with other normal citizens. Secondly,when something appears and comprises of  2 Humpty Dumpty look alikes, balancing ON the fence in a crowded bus, everyone knocks into her and brushes against Cellulite. Maybe Cellulite is a slut. She is a malicious attention seeker with flirty intentions. But she probably do not like sex. Just the game of it. Coz everytime she strips, she causes Miss Cellulite's lover to run in the speed of lightning to the opposite direction and create an array of cringed facial expressions.

Till now, Miss Cellulite ponders on the real reason why...as she stares blankly into the reflection which mirrors her image.

Page 1: There is always a beginning of cellulite

MY cellulite however, seems to be endless. Being situated in Singapore has not given me any respite, laden with oil-drenched food products and sumptuous billowing wafts of smells blowing MY way..( satay, waffles, otah, char kway teoh).. Just name it!

 

Thinking back on when my cellulite awakened from the depths of my body.. It seemed so long ago when I was primary 3...

"Hey! Want to get some ice cream together? After PE lets get a bottle of ice lemon tea and grab KFC for lunch!"

 Fast food and soft drinks was my diet staple. Influenced by friends and having a lousy resistance to persuasion, I drifted along the highways of grease, sugar and carbs. Very soon, I got 'caught'.

 

TAF CLUB. A.k.a Trim- and- fit Club.

 

Expected wasn't it. From then on, cellulite loved me and I became a VIP all the way through secondary school. Life long membership of TAF got pinned on my butt and quickly the years passed..

 

CCAs (Co-curricular activities) had made efforts to persuade Ms Cellulite to find another host, but the exams lured her back again. Bingeing, sitting down for long hours without exercise were all part of her plan. Even though I lost some parts of her for a certain period through JC, she jumped back onto the bandwagon when A levels came and went. Funny how the A levels and Ms Cellulite didn't elope even though I went through so much efforts to get them together..

Now, Ms Cellulite deemed me to be her best friend for life. (*screams* "Noooooooo.....")

Being with Ms Cellulite has indeed brought much inconvenience and sadness to my life. Being left behind by the skinny values of Singaporeans and having our clothes size (that screams Operation Coverup) looked down upon and under produced, it is no surprise that self esteem dips..